she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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