I just saw a hot homeless man
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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