John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize