He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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