Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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