You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
