i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You need Xanax blowdarts
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
