you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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