Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
