Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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