he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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