its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
