zippers are such a cool invention
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
well, you know. whores of a feather.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
