I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
