Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
