Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
