new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
