yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
