is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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