no, he came in my armpit
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
