Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
