Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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