This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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