I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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