my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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