i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
