never play flip cup with pint glasses
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
