I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
