Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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