And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
