I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
