I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
