Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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