And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
