sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
