You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
