I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
