Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
