drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
