I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize