frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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