At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
