So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize