why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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