Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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