She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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