I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
