you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
