he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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