That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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