im six kinds of drunk right now
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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