It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
