Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My liver just had a heart attack.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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