hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
