I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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