So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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