This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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