she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
