what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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