So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
