I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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