i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
