Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
