I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
