Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
