that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My bed smells like the plague
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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