We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
