dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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