2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
