I'm going to rape someone's good day.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize