dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
