I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
