i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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