i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize