I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
