dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
