So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
