fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wish there were birth control emojis
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
