when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
