Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize