I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think my fart just growled at me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sext me about skeletons
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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