yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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