i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
