You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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