My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
