This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
