I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
