She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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