I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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