You're completely useless in the revolution.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize