We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
