the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
