There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
