bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
