My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
