did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
