Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
