omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
