She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
