i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
