That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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