I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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