Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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