Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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