I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
