I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
