we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
