I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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