some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
