My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
