I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
