I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
